Oncoming Winter

Its getting colder outside. It marks the return of sweaters, and the comfort in weight of a cold weather month’s bed spread. Things change colors and the air is crisp.

All that is nice until I realized I needed slippers tonight for my feet were cold. That brought a wave a melancholy. Seasonal depression is common in my family, but I don’t think I quite have it. I think mine is more on par with seasonal melancholy. However, the one time that I had long-term depression was during the winter months. 

The fall and following winter feels daunting and ominous right now. The things I love most about the cold time of year seem evil, sad. My favorite winter time artist, Bon Iver, even seems like a bastard who I don’t want to be well acquainted with again. The light nights and cold walks during a snow storm don’t seem quaint, but haunting. 

Looking back, it seems that the winter months are the times I change the most. I am not the same guy I was at the beginning of the cold as I am at the end of it. I’d like to say I grow the most during those months, but sometimes it is a regression. Spring comes and I take who I’ve become, remove the melancholy, and I’m that person until the sun stops providing warmth. Who will I be on the other side of the cold?

The fall marks when my blood becomes thicker. Syrup straight out of the refrigerator. 

And that is the haunting, ominous feeling that I have. It seems like a battle and right now I don’t want to put in the effort.

I’ll have to find something to provide the warmth that can get my blood flowing all through the cold months, latch on to it, and never let it go. Or at least until the days become longer and I can shed my jacket of melancholy. 

UPDATE: Or maybe I was just grumpy cause I needed a nap. :)